the power of words

I'm reflecting, what do I really know about any of this, I want to know but I don't really *know*. The older I get, the less i know. But as I've gotten older and hopefully wiser,I have taken on some beliefs, and one of them is I no longer underestimate the dynamic power of words, thinking them, saying them, believing or disbelieving them. If I don't believe something, I best not put it into words and say it. The power begins to sprout in thoughts, putting down roots that grow deeper with repeated attention and tending, waiting for the thought or belief to be spoken aloud, taken out into the sunlight, where it can crystalize, manifest, and grow. I find that tending my mind, and all the thoughts that take shape there, is a rigorous and never ending job, I try as best I can to remain vigilant and faithful; removing the lies, what would do me damage, or hold me back, and acknowledging and nurturing those thoughts which move me in the direction of discovering my authentic self, what I long to know and be, what I am. At almost 50 years old, I'm still such a beginner at all this. On good days,I begin my day with this goal in mind; to be aware and curious. It sounds easy, it's not; I try to do my best, I'm human, that's all I can do, and I try to be kind to myself when I don't do so well.

Which brings me to the conversation that prompted all this inner investigation and clarification. My lovely daughter, my youngest, is making the final preperations for her July 8th wedding. She had her first fitting a couple weeks ago, here's a picture of her in the fitting room, she's a beautiful woman, inside and out - I'm so proud of her.



She and her sister were raised in a liberal and free-thinking environment, we've always encouraged them to think for themselves, listen to their intuition, and follow their heart and dreams. She wants to get married, she wants to have a family. She's a junior in college, going part time now, and also loves being a student. She is marrying into a family that is almost exactly opposite from the one she grew up in - conservative, traditional, definately not free thinkers...I don't believe she yet sees what she's getting into, but she will learn. We've had several talks about marriage, about it being the coming together of two unique and individual people as equal partners. That is what she wants and expects.

They were going to meet with the officiant yesterday, a woman. That was a problem initially as the groom wanted a man conducting the service ( i start hearing alarm bells). A man was unavailable on that date so they *settled* for the woman. My daughter told me on the phone yesterday than O** wants the officiant to make the announcement at the end of the service: "and now I introduce Mr. and Mrs. O**** HisLast Name". He felt adamant about it, it's traditionalal. And he wanted the phrase "man and wife" not "husband and wife". OMG!!!!! I am horrified! When my husband learned this he said "your're going to have to have a good talk to her about this". Which I did, that day, before their appointment with the officiant. I learned she didn't want these things, she'd expressed it, and they'd gone back and forth on it - the compromise was "husband and wife" but the "Mrs O** LastName" would stay, he was fixed on that. She told me she went along with it because she didn't want yet another fight. He said it was traditional, and it was no big deal. We talked about how not all traditions are inherently good, it's a very good thing when the bad ones are extinguished - like slavery, women not having the right to vote, etc.
I reminded her how women had spent years fighting for this very change in wording because of the power in the words - the handing over of ones identity in that one sentence. She was no longer a Kendrick, she gives up her birth name, and with his version, she gives up her first name as well - she is now a MRS O....sounds a bit like property I'd say. I'm quite impassioned about this issue and when we were done talking she understood why, and had a sick feeling inside when she thought about going throught it, and was actually mad that he'd pushed for it. YAY!!! If she listened to me and decided she wanted to go through with it anyway, I wouldn't have said another word, I will respect her decision. But I don't want to see her compromise on something so important, something that diminishes her, all for the sake of keeping the peace - if it were me, it would be a deal breaker. He's probably not going to like me, he probably already doesn't. I can't help that, I will always support my daughter on her journey towards becoming her authentic self, as I will support him if he wants it, it's up to him.