Sunday, April 30, 2006

tagged by Misty
in my frig
laughing cow cheese wedges
a jar of roasted tahini
a loaf of sprouted spelt bread
half a bottle of pinot grigio
stawberries, not very sweet ones

in my closet
lisa, my sporatically tufted but mostly hairless doll from childhood
my collection of hats
too many sweaters
my two favorite pairs of new shoes
several shawls

in my car
dog hair on the burgundy velour seatcovers
a gallon bottle of water
a fire extinguisher (i had a car fire once)
first aid kit
under the drivers seat - a half full bag of baked bar-b-que potato chips i bough yesterday on impulse

in my purse
my sketchbook
cell phone
a couple tabs of maxalt (migraine meds)
a green bottle of Refresh Tears, eyedrops

I tag:
Deb T
Kathy W
anyone else who wants to play!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


it's 5:00 AM
in the moment
i'm appreciating calm
and my first cup of coffee
decaf from now on

i finished up artwork due
for a submission and it feels good
i have a feeling of accomplishment
on to the next things :-)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

mental health and art update

i woke up with lots of anxiety yesterday
about going to see the psychiatrist
who was doing the comprehensive evaluation
i wanted it and yet i was afraid
i hadn't been evaluated since i was 15
(over 30 years ago)
and the diagnosis at that time was clinical depression

but i had nothing to fear with this doctor
she was warm and friendly
and had me talking quite freely with 15 minutes

her diagnosis was bi-polar
combined with an anxiety disorder
i can't say i was totally surprised
i had my suspicisions with the huge swings
she said i have made huge progress
over the years managing the anxiety
and attributed to the inner spiritual work i do
and probably the quiet lifestyle i lead

i start my new med treatment today
i hope it works well
and there aren't lots of crappy side effects

i came away from the appointment
feeling shaken but good about myself
the doc talked about how there is a stigma
in our culture about mental illness
and hearing that one has bi-polar can
shake up some people
but she asked that i consider adopting
the framework that this diagnosis isn't
just a negative, the flip side can be a positive
i get to tap deeply into my creativity/spirituality
it's a mixed blessing
she recommended a book i might like;
Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive
Illness and the Artistic Temperment

And on the art front -
i am just tickled....
i thought i needed to buy a new ink jet printer
one that uses pigment inks
to transfer some of my artwork onto fabrics
or else laser paper
where I could print on but would still
need to take it to a t-shirt shop
to have them use their heat press as
a household iron wouldn't work
while doing a google search
i ran across an artist who prints directly onto fabric
with her laser printer...
same procedure as with ink jet
iron freezer paper to fabric, cut all threads
and run it though the individual feed
i tried one, it came our **beautifully***
i'm so happy!!
after I complete a project due today
i can start working on my dolls, yayyyy!!!!
i bought 2 doll books
the anatomy of a doll book by susanna oroyan
and mother loves dolls by elinor peace bailey
beautiful books with lots of great information
on doll making.

wishing you all a beautiful day!


Sunday, April 23, 2006

thank you

i read something today
in a Julia Cameron book
it said the more you say "thank you"
out loud or better yet, in writing
the more blessings you receive from the universe

you could say 'thank you' in such a way
that it would be rote and meaningless
a prayer without heart
and i don't believe the blessings would come then
but to truly be thankful
and to remember and express it
that is where the bounty of the universe resides

today Walter went into town and picked up the mail
i found this wonderful suprise from
my friend tara ross
isn't her art full of whimsy and wonder?
thank you, tara.

and thank you my dear online friends
i am blessed by your friendship.

You Reading This, Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found: carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life --

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

--- William Stafford

Friday, April 21, 2006

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes......

it's a beautiful sunshiney day
and my heart is sunny too - the first time in days -
so i can really appreciate and bask in the lightness
(thank you, thank you,thank you,thank you,thank you,thank you,)

doing the last 4 pieces of artwork have been a roadmap for me
showing me where i am and where i might go
it's amazing how art does that for me
it's so much more that something pretty or something fun to look at
or something bold...
it's a part of my heart that comes up into my hands and leads me home
it always leads me home

here's what i know today
i woke up at 4:30 this morning and my very first thought was
clear, strong, and powerful
i long for friendships that are deep
where my soul meets another
in a place we both recognize
i have that with people who live in far away places
i have that with no one close to me physically (aside from my husband)
no woman friends near by
ones that i feel a deep love and connection with
the kind where my heart beats stronger and quicker
and i feel more myself than i knew

which brought me to this clear awareness
as much as i love this beautiful place we now call home
where we've raised our kids and put down roots
as much as i recognize my love and connection with this place
i need to move somewhere where i can be closer to kindred spirits
somewhere like Port Townsend
we both love it there
i KNOW i need to do this otherwise i feel i'm going to wither up and die
i need more human contact, tea and coffee, and belly laughing, and hugging
i want to live closer to town now

as the day wears on
i feel more and more clear about it
if it were up to me
i'd drive into town today to the real estate office and get the whole thing going
why wait?!!!
walter feels we need to sit on it for a couple months while we do repairs and
get some landscaping down, make sure it's what we really want
he's so reasonable, so slow and steady
times like this it drives me crazy
i want to be impulsive and rash
i want to let go here and who cares where we end up? really.
in a year he'll retire and we can go anywhere
assuming we can sell this place

so, that's my plan
and i feel happier just thinking about it
may the universe support us in this venture

Some Photos From my San Diego Trip

Violet's Birthday Party - the hat stayed on just long enough for me to get this shot!

Ethan learned to ride a bike on his own while we were there, he was born to ride...

Violet and Ethan's mommy, my sweet Heather

Daddy giving Violet birthday smooches

My precious girls, Marissa and Heather, on the pier at the beach

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I Hear You Calling

California Here I Come

This will be my last post for awhile; Walter, Marissa (my younger daughter) and I are flying down to San Diego at 7:00 AM on Thursday. We're excited for the chance to spend 5 days with my oldest daughter Heather and her family; especially for the celebration of Violet's one year birthday and Easter as well. They've been getting lots of rain down there but we're hoping for clear skies for Ethan's Easter egg hunt and T-Ball game. I'll be taking a boatload of pictures while there!

I shared my 'writing on the wall' post on my live journal as well as here and got a surprise comment from 'anonymous'. the subject line was "my mom" and the post said:
"mom, you're inspiring and a bit wacky, and that's why I love you so much" was from Heather who checks out my live journal periodically. I am very close with both my grown daughters and I feel grateful beyond words for them.

I have a magnet on my refrigerator, a quote from Mother Teresa; "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love". I think about that a lot, and it gives me hope. This small Italalian ceramic jar is filled with the coffee beans my husband grinds. He likes Columbian and I like Italian roast, so we each grind and brew our own cups each morning. He likes everything handy, so he wants his coffee beans on the counter near the grinder, accessible. I started pouring his beans into this lovely little canister, the colors cheer me in the morning and through the day and i feel happier just looking at it. It is small though, and he only gets 3 pots of coffee from it before it needs filling. I made an agreement with him that he'd never have to fill the jar, I would keep it full, I just wanted the pleasure of looking at it on the counter. Most mornings i'll peek in jar and see if it needs filling but some mornings I'll notice the jar placed in the middle of the counter, a hint from my husband that the beans inside are in need of replenishing. I had no idea when I started being his "coffee bean fairy" how much pleasure it would bring him, a way I could express and he could experience my care and nurturing of him. Since I started doing it months ago, he's mentioned it several times, how nice it is that I keep the small containor filled for him, and the comment is usually followed by a kiss or hug. Who would have known that such a small act would mean so much to both of us?

I just got the mail and i found the most *delightful* surprise package, a large shiny metallic blue padded envelope from my lovely and talented friend Deb Trotter. Inside I found this wonderously beautiful collage, a Deb Trotter original, along with a collection of fabric pieces she felt I may enjoy using in fabric collage. What can I say, I'm just blow away by her huge heart and generous spirit, a duo I witness in her constantly. I will treasure this gift from my sweet friend as I treasure my friendship with her. My life is full of friendships, jewels, thank you...


Monday, April 10, 2006

the writing on the wall

today i was inspired by a sark quote that one of my live journal friends shared in her post today. and i did something impulsive, and exciting. i wrote it out big on one of my studio walls in black and red permanent marker...whoooohooooo!!!!! it's doing things like this, the juicy things, that infuse me with pulsating energy and creativity. do something wild and impulsive today, i dare you!!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

be grateful for them all

i don't have too many of my own words right now
but a Rumi poem i constantly come back to
and some photos i took while on my evening walk
on our property
our little piece of heaven

Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond. - Rumi

I've walked along this paths and in this grass
hundreds of times over the years
in the summer, i love to swim in the river
my children grew up swimming in this river
and God willing, my grandchildren will swim here as well
I've spent hours huddled in the grass at twightling
at the river's edge
watching the beavers swim up and down the waterway
hauling bits of wood back to their homes
some of my favorite hours have been spent doing this

we share the land with coyotes. some neighbors shoot at them when they see them
we watch them with curiosity and admiration whenever we get the opportunity
all i have to do when i feel sad or lonely is go out my door
and once again i remember that i live in paradise

Friday, April 07, 2006

morning art journaling; an exercise in speed and freedom

i've been feeling a bit overcommitted the past couple days
several emails have gone unanswered
i'm quite tardy with it.
business packages to invoice and assemble
so i can get them out in today's mail
2 art journals to finish and ship
other artwork deadlines,
and on and on it goes.
and i'm considering taking on another
large committment - vending at Art Unraveled
am i crazy? or just undiscipled....
i want to work on being focused
accomplishing small goals
and working on my larger ones

i started my day finishing the last art journal
it's my last leg of this year long RR committment
and i'll be happy to finally get my book back
in the coming days.

my goal with this journal was to work fast-
around 20 minutes per page.
that meant i couldn't overthink anything
i could work freely and let my hands
and heart see for me.
it was a wonderful experience
to play, experiment, and
not think so much
i feel good

the colors i was to predominantly work with
were yellow/gold and purple
with white and black

The words read: "so shut your eyes while mother sings of wonderful sights that be"

"And you shall see the beautiful things"

"saw it as they drew near - Tree of Forgetfulness"

"Pray will you teach us how
To build such nests as you do
Upon the swaying bough?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

journal RR pages

i finished up the last two in Claudia's journal. i've enjoyed working in it - not my 'usual style' but maybe a bit of it will be part of my evolving style.
i took this photo in the alley behind pike place market, the little boy on
the bicycle from a vintage photo.

this one is another door photo i shot at the Hotel Max.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

another journal page

in claudia's book
black, white and one accent color
about an hour ago i was out collecting
barn board from an old pile of lumber
up the road a bit
i looked up into the blue sky and saw the moon
i wanted to take a picture of it
i tried but it was invisible in every one of them
so i looked down and took a picture of my shadow instead
seeing my shadow in the rocks
captures the essence of my elusive mood
lots going on inside me today

page in calendar rr

i'm working in Claudia's journal
her color scheme is black and white with one color
the photo is from a door at the Seattle Hotel Max
a few doors down from my room
the door opens and i've journaled inside


i took this photo this morning
as the sun was just cresting above the trees
in the eastern sky

today i woke up with this feeling of longing
deep longing, for what i can't remember
longing tinged in sadness
it's all wrapped up in a delicate little bundle
like rice paper that melts in your mouth
and is gone without a trace
hints of sweetness left behind
this tremendous longing i don't understand
but feel deeply right now
for something other than
some thing or some one
a mystery, the unknown, the place i came from,
everywhere i look, everything i look at
it's all made of longing when i look deeply
the walls, my cup, the paper in my book

lines in this poem keep appearing in my mind this morning
another one by Naomi Shihab Nye


The river is famous to the fish.

The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.

The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.

The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.

I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.


have i forgotten what i can do?
is that what i long to remember?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

birdsong and crystal rainbows

after another late night, i slept in this morning. what a blessing, this life i am living...if only i could carry that appreciation with me every moment. The sunshine is bright and the morning sky is solid blue, above the hum of the computer i hear the clear sound of bird song. our sun/moon prism hanging in the window is broadcasting transparent rainbows all around the room...magic!
too often i can't appreciate just how wonderful this precious life is - today is one of the days i do and I feel grateful.

we live in a river valley, where many evenings the fog often rolls in from the west as the sun begins to set. i walked around with my camera last night until dark, trying to capture the fog...but, as i should have known, fog is too illusive for me, always playing games, just out of my reach. i did get this shot of our beautiful old walnut tree; i changed some of the lighting in photoshop as the shot was almost black. i love that tree and this photo captures a glimpse of it's character. the wise old tree is barren now, there are no meats inside the hard shells that fall onto the ground.

Here is a poem from one of my very favorite poets, Naomi Shihab Nye

"The Song"
From somewhere
a calm musical note arrives.
You balance it on your tongue,
a single ripe grape,
till your whole body glistens.
In the space between breaths
you apply it to any wound
and the wound heals.

Soon the nights will lengthen,
you will lean into the year
humming like a saw.
You will fill the lamps with kerosene,
knowing somewhere a line breaks,
a city goes black,
people dig for candles in the bottom drawer.
You will be ready. You will use the song like a match.
It will fill your rooms
opening rooms of its own
so you sing, I did not know
my house was this large.

Monday, April 03, 2006

the finished bag

playing with fabric

finally spent some time playing in the studio
and again feel myself
excitement bubbles in a pool of tranquility
i want to incorporate some of my faces series
into fabric
eventually dolls, that's where i'm moving
i don't know what this is
an experiment i guess
it seems like it would make a nice tote front
but don't think it's sturdy enough
as there are some paper pieces and a
small bird i glued to the surface
it seems too square for a wallhanging
and symetrical
but that's what came out
i still think it wants to be a bag
maybe a bag that doesn't get used
but hangs from the wall...yes, i like that idea
i tried a new-to-me technique
i printed an ink jet copy onto glossy photo paper
spritzing my fabric with water
the image with water
and burnished the image onto the fabric
(Leslie Riley wrote about it in the newest
issue of Cloth, Paper, Scissors)
i then used prismacolors to add some color accents
and sprayed it with fixitive
i tried to add more ephemera
danglie doo-dads but it kept feeling cluttered
it wanted to be simple and breathe

in case you can't read the words they say
"and come with the fragrance of the earth in your garments"
from The Prophet

as i'm writing this i just got an idea
a possible approach to this piece
that i can't wait to try out
back to the studio i go....

happy monday everyone :-)