Tuesday, April 25, 2006

mental health and art update

i woke up with lots of anxiety yesterday
about going to see the psychiatrist
who was doing the comprehensive evaluation
i wanted it and yet i was afraid
i hadn't been evaluated since i was 15
(over 30 years ago)
and the diagnosis at that time was clinical depression

but i had nothing to fear with this doctor
she was warm and friendly
and had me talking quite freely with 15 minutes

her diagnosis was bi-polar
combined with an anxiety disorder
i can't say i was totally surprised
i had my suspicisions with the huge swings
she said i have made huge progress
over the years managing the anxiety
and attributed to the inner spiritual work i do
and probably the quiet lifestyle i lead

i start my new med treatment today
i hope it works well
and there aren't lots of crappy side effects

i came away from the appointment
feeling shaken but good about myself
the doc talked about how there is a stigma
in our culture about mental illness
and hearing that one has bi-polar can
shake up some people
but she asked that i consider adopting
the framework that this diagnosis isn't
just a negative, the flip side can be a positive
i get to tap deeply into my creativity/spirituality
it's a mixed blessing
she recommended a book i might like;
Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive
Illness and the Artistic Temperment

And on the art front -
i am just tickled....
i thought i needed to buy a new ink jet printer
one that uses pigment inks
to transfer some of my artwork onto fabrics
or else laser paper
where I could print on but would still
need to take it to a t-shirt shop
to have them use their heat press as
a household iron wouldn't work
while doing a google search
i ran across an artist who prints directly onto fabric
with her laser printer...
same procedure as with ink jet
iron freezer paper to fabric, cut all threads
and run it though the individual feed
i tried one, it came our **beautifully***
i'm so happy!!
after I complete a project due today
i can start working on my dolls, yayyyy!!!!
i bought 2 doll books
the anatomy of a doll book by susanna oroyan
and mother loves dolls by elinor peace bailey
beautiful books with lots of great information
on doll making.

wishing you all a beautiful day!



Misty Mawn said...

your postive outlook is beautiful!!! It really is!
My aunt has bi-polar...she has her ups and downs, but is always so creative and energetic. Thinking of you..~

I cannot wait to see your new projects.

Deb said...


My thoughts are that now you KNOW about the bipolar, and now you can face it. With a smile, no less! You have a lovely soul and a strong constitution, and I love you dearly!
I want to hear your thoughts on the book! My hubby is studying for a conference he will attend (but not until next year) called "Creativity and Madness"...it's all about famous creative geniuses like Van Gogh, Picasso, Hemmingway, Fitzgerald (my personal favorite author), Mozart, and many more...All of whom were depressive, intensely original, and often bipolar. I myself have intense highs and lows, which I recognize, and take meds for - and they do make a big difference. Luckily, I am married to a man who understands that chemicals can help my creative, manic brain!
Love & hugs-

Danny Haszard said...

Appreciate your blog,mental health consumers are the least capable of self advocacy,my doctors made me take zyprexa for 4 years which was ineffective for my symptoms.I now have a victims support page against Eli Lilly for it's Zyprexa product causing my diabetes.--Daniel Haszard www.zyprexa-victims.com