Friday, December 08, 2006

and grace will lead me home

I haven't written about it, but ever since I got sick with a bad case of the flu late last September, I haven't been the same physically. It's like the virus has burrowed somewhere into my body and every time I exert myself (by exert I mean spend a day shopping, or playing with the grandkids) by evening I find my glands swollen up like little balloons, sore throat, cough, and general fatigue and malaise. This has been a repeating pattern now for over 2 months, and I am puzzled at the viralancy of this bug. Has anyone else experienced something similar this winter? I haven't been to my doctor, so i made an appt. for tuesday. I found myself feeling discouraged after spending all day yesterday in bed (again!) and then waking up and feeling no better. I am drinking boatloads of tea with honey and lots of fluids.

Anyway, the point here is, my physical body has been challenging for me to live in these days, and I found myself feeling sorry for myself and even a bit fearful this morning, wondering if I'm getting the same auto-immune disease both my sibs have. Bad combination - fear and self pity!

As I sat here this morning reading some blogs, I read something that shook me back to myself. I'm quoting this from my very sweet and wise friend Judy from her interview with Artella which you can read on her website.

DM: What is your favorite piece of your own art and why?

Judy: "My favorite piece is whichever one I am working on that day. That is the piece that has my full attention and love. Actually, I am not all that attached to the work I create. I accept that my work, like my own body, will vanish one day and that in the bigger picture is not all that important. The joy and love is in the act of creating it.After that it is just an object to be cared for, admired or discarded."

You might wonder what this has to do with physical suffering? I'm not sure exactly, except that I know that the conditions I experience today, are part of a wonderful gift, the gift of my life, the life and reality I take part in creating. Everything is impermanent, I don't need to dwell on the future, as the future will take care of itself. To find joy and love in the moment, regardless of my conditions is the challenge. So today, although my body is hurting, my spirit is once again soaring. Thank you dear Judy! You never knowhow what you say, might effect someone else.

Shortly after I read that, I opened a book I keep in my bathroom. i randomly open it usually once a day. This is what I read today:

"You can choose to think in a higher way more often. Giving thanks will lead you directly to your heart and your abstract mind. By giving thanks, you bring light into your crown center at the top of your head, through the doorway of your heart. Because of the increased light, and new heart opening, many ideas and gifts can be sent to you. They may unfold in a week, or month, but you have created a doorway for many good things to come to you". - S. Roman

Giving thanks seems to be a healing balm for everything. I feel thankful for all of you!


Pam Aries said...

I know from personal experience what it feels like to be ill for a long period of time. Your post today is very touching. I hope you start feeling better SOON! I am sending you some good vibes))))) after all are the one who introduced me to painting in the good old Phone Book and having fun with it!

miss*R said...

I am suffering some kind of gland thing - have had it for the past 4 or 5 weeks and I cannot shake it.
of course, I am like you - falling into self pity & worry.
it does help us to find one thing each day to be grateful for and dwell on that.
but don't beat yourself up too much - there are many of us creative blogging gals who are feeling slightly strained these past few weeks.
sending much love & many angels xoxo

Norah's said...

I read Judy's interview yesterday and was touched by the same question/answer. Isn't it amazing how we reach each other in unknown ways. I'm glad that you have set and appointment to check this out and I do so hope that you get remedy. In the meantime, I'll be thinking about you and hoping you are feeling better and better each day. I feel thankful for you too.

Judy Wise said...

Hi Katie. This will be the third response I've tried to send but blogger keeps eating them up. I hope this is just one of winter's illusions; you know, the walls seem thin, the wolves howl, the imagination awakens.

I am going right now to to sign up for your Jan. 27th workshop in Portland ... maybe the thought of the fun we will have (and the magic we will create) will be a little bit of good medicine. Nothing more healing than a circle of women who love you. (and there are many of us who do)

Prayers for your health.

Tracie Lyn Huskamp said...

hi katie...

i am so very sorry to hear you are continuously feeling under the weather.

i was extremely moved by your blog post. i am constantly trying to pre-plan the future by all of my must do this and thats...i know i will never stop being a worrier ...hoping things turn out as i truly want them to, but after reading your words and the quote from judy... i stopped to remind myself to be thankful for today.

i certainly hope you get to feeling much better very very soon!


Deb said...

Oh, sweet Katie. It's so hard to remain positive under these circumstances - not to mention all the stress you have been under for months now... trying to help your daughter and look after those sweet little ones - and all the while creating lovely pieces and sharing words that inspire so many of us. I do so hope that your doctor can help sort all of this out. Maybe burning the candle on both ends is playing havoc with your body? Please try to take care of yourself, especially during this hectic time.


Jonna said...

It is so discouraging to go through something like this. I know I've been battling an unknown something for over a year now. Hopefully your doctor can pinpoint the problem. Good Luck. What book was the last quote from? I loved it.

bridgette said...

I am experiencing some of the same fears and uncertainties right now too. Your post brought light to me. thank you.
hope you feel better soon.
damn these auto-immune isses!!!

katie said...

thank you ALL for your kind and caring comments. For those of you that are also having some health issues right now, i send you healing thoughts. love to you all xox

kelly rae said...

i am catching up on your words over here and i noticed that whenever i visit your site, i feel calm and relaxed as if i'm coming to learn something. and it's true, you are the wise one, too.

Saints and Sinners said...

The flu is BAD this year...I'm just getting over it myself. I have to keep reminding my self to not think about feeling sick and think about feeling well, or doing something to take my mind off the sickness-its the only thing that is helping me.

I am thankful for you too!hug!

ps. I just realized I didn't have on my links! YIKES! you are on there now.

misty mawn said...

I am thankful for you! For your words, your art, your friendship, and for the love you share. Thank you. xoxo
I really hope you are feeling better!

artsyfran said...

I have been dealing with an autoimmune disease for over 20 years. I have some good days and some bad, but I celebrate the good, learned to balance my energy, and am very protective of where I spend my energy and time. One way to work with that and get a better understanding of what it's like to live with a chronic illness is by reading this story, "Spoon Theory" It has helped me to realize what I can and cannot do. It has made me really think about what I want to spend my time on. It's been very freeing and healing. I hope that your visit to the doctor is productive. Sending healing thoughts! - Fran Saperstein

Paula Bogdan said...

I linked to your blog via Leslie Riley's and was struck by this angel. It looks very much like one I photographed in a cemetary in Richmond, VA!