attitude is everything

the sun is shining brightly on the frosty meadow grasses
a sweet smell outside
i finished my breakfast; yogurt with fruit and flax seed oil
time for a brisk walk with the dogs
i hope i see my breath
confirmation that i'm really here
not feeling very solid lately
ephemeral is more accurate

i brought a book at the thriftstore
in braille
1960 book two, learning braille
i feel blind too
i want to collage on these pages
the texture
mingled with fingertip ghosts
who have eyes that don't see the physical world
my eyes do
to a certain extent, a tiny extent
i want to see
i do see my limitations
but there's more
i know that
endless possiblilites
believe, katie...
you're a spirit that thinks you're a body

i saw a friend i hadn't seen in a long time the other day
i told her how much i liked her colorful hat - beautiful
she said you knew i was diagnosed with breast cancer?
no, i didn't
she took off her hat to show me her hair stubble growing back
i asked her how she was
is it really hard to go through?
no, a little nausea...not much in the scheme of things
it's all attitude she said
i think of dana reeves
attitude
it reminds me of my shortcomings
i know it's true

how is it i can hold joy and melancholy from one moment to the next
one flowing into another and back
something wants to label it all
and make it solid
but it's just a flow

this may not make sense to anyone but me
but i needed to say it
to connect with myself and others
words feel so difficult
sometimes i imagine a world where i don't have to talk
i don't need to