Monday, July 10, 2006

THE WEDDING ... that never was

after days of me crying and letting go, letting go, letting go
the day before the wedding
there was the rehearsal
and then the rehearsal dinner - his family and hers and wedding party
my family described the way walter and i looked as 'stricken' like we were attending a funeral
his family was offensive and rude to ours
at 9:00 AM the day of the wedding
he called M and said he was calling off the wedding
unless she signed the pre-nup
(her attorney had looked over the the pre-nup he had sprung on her and said it was awful,
and would be a terrible mistake to sign it - that it practically needed to be rewritten it was so bad, and there was not time to do it before the wedding)
M was strong, she stook firm and said NO, she would not sign it until after the wedding when both of their attorneys had worked on it and had come to agreement
(this whole prenup his family set up for him is a joke - he is no bill gates!!)

So, he called off the wedding.

hours before the
flowers were to arrive
the cake
the catered dinner for 125 guests
the DJ
the photographer
guests arriving at the gate
guests who had flown in from all over the country

she was devasted as you can imagine. but deep within her, she knows she will live through it. and I think she even believes me when I tell her she can create a much better life for herself now. I am so very proud of her, it would have been so easy to cave under all his family's pressure that morning, but she didn't - as much as she loved him, she stood firm, she held her ground.

My nephew and his family in the Twin Cities (St. Paul) were there - such beautiful and generous people. They have invited her to come and stay with them for a while. They are in their late thirties, have a huge beautiful home and are very connected with lots of people and activities. They have two beautiful young daughters who adore M and visa-versa. She will have a room/bathroom in their home that is like a mini suite. There she will have weeks or even months if she likes, to explore Minneapolois and St. Paul, the University, her heart and mind, and to grieve, while being surrounded by family who love her and offer her their strength. She will see a whole new world this much so much different from this little community she has lived in all her life. This will be the very first time she has lived away from here, far away from us - what an incredible opportunity for a 23 year old woman to make a fresh start. She's driving her car, and her sister will ride with her then fly back. My heart is so very sad for her, seeing her in so much pain, but also light with joy in knowing a much better life is ahead of her. As much as I'd miss her, I'm secretly hoping she falls in love with the area and decides to move there, find a job, and go back to school. Whatever she decides will be fine with me though - I'm just grateful she has this time and space to heal.


terry said...

I was anxious to hear about the wedding and now relieved to hear the change of events. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you and what wise but difficult descisons were made. You must be very proud of your daughter and hopefully yourselves as well. You supported her even though the marriage was not of your choosing. I hope you all take time to heal and take a quiet walk in your woods. Terry

navylane studio said...

Wow, what an emotional roller coaster you've all just endured, especially your daughter. I just couldn't imagine. The poor thing! But it sure sounds like a blessing in disguise; if things were this rocky from the start, they would likely only get worse. She is blessed to have such a good head on her shoulders and also a wonderful, supportive family and an amazing place to retreat, regroup and move on. Best wishes to all of you! xo

Colorsonmymind said...

That really is a lot to take in.

I am proud of her too...very strong

I feel and see a better life for her too, just from reading what you write-and it really is true moms are usually right.

Glad she has this great opportunity

Hugs to you

tararossstudios said...

Intuition is such a powerful energy.

I don't know what to say but warm wishes to your daughter and all of your family, yes greater things are in store.


Sarah e.Smith said...

I am so sorry to hear that things did not go as planned...but it definately sounds that it happened for the better. everything happens for a reason :) I send you and your daughter much love...she sounds like a very strong woman..i hope she finds happiness with this fresh beginning :)

katie said...

Thank you all for your loving and supportive comments, each one is so appreciated! I read them to my daughter and know that you've warmed her heart with your caring!

I need orange said...

It is SO important, as we make our ways through life, to examine our path and our plan, to see if they still fit who we are now, today.

Going along with other people's expectations can be ok, but it's so important to check with our inner selves to make *sure* other people's expectations work for us, rather than blindly, thoughtlessly, following along, only to notice, too late, that we've stepped over the edge of a precipice, or have wandered deep into a trackless swamp....

Good job, Mom, for teaching that lesson, and good work, Daughter, for holding your ground in a big important difficult situation where your inner self was quite sure that other people's expectations were not a good plan for you!!!

Doing the thing that will be better in the long run, even though that thing is much harder in the short run, shows great strength of character. Well done.

Angie in AZ said...

I am on my long vacation in CA for this month of July and have been checking your blog to get wedding updates and then, this morning, I saw the latest news and gosh, I'm stunned. My heart hurts for M. and your family but PRAISE GOD! My many prayers for her were answered. I prayed so much that M. would have strength to do what was right for herself and not to be afraid. And although her fiance' pushed the decision at the last minute, she was strong in making the final decision. I'm very proud of her because I know that was the hardest thing she has ever had to do. It also speaks volumes about you and your dh as parents. You have taught your daughter to love herself. What a gift! God will heal her heart and yes, much better things are in her future. She has been protected and saved for a beautiful future. Give M. the verse Jeremiah 29:11. Please keep us posted how she is doing. I'm terribly sorry for the awful pain you all are going through but it will pass. Big hugs to you. I will continue to pray for all of you.

claudine hellmuth said...

what a brave girl.

liz said...

what a brave girl!!--and a wonderful, supportive family. sometimes life seems to take us in a direction that is painful and seems SO unfair--but when we come out the other side--it all makes sense. sending lots of love to you and your wonderful family.
liz xx

primdollie said...

Oh Katie you poor dear and so sad for your daughter but you are right no one should be pressured to do something they don't want to or is wrong to start with!!! I wish her all the best and send you all a big hug and happy thoughts for a wonderful future for her!!! it will all be ok! i am a firm believer that time heals all wounds and she will find someone that will love her and take care of her as she should be loved and cared for!! how wrong for them to be so rude to you and your family and all!! and how sad that people are like that life is just too short!!! hang in there it will be better!!!
hugs Linda

kathywas said...

Oh, Katie...I was so shocked and saddened to read this news. HOwever, as hard as things are now for your daughter, it was best to have it happan now and not have to learn it the hard way down the road. It doesn't sound like there was much love on his part, and this was God's way of saving her for something bigger and better and for someone who will love and appreciate her and not the almighty dollar. Still, I know how hard it was for both you and her to have to endure all this just hours before the wedding. But be thankful...sounds like he still has some growing up to do!

Turquoise CRO said...

((((((Katie&her family, and especially Marissa)))))